


a secret letter to cyrus goodman

by tyrus



Category: AndiMack, CyrusGoodman, TjKippen, Tyrus - Fandom, Tyrus Month 2018 - Fandom
Genre: Buffy Dryscoll, Jonah Beck - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 19:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15893079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrus/pseuds/tyrus
Summary: tj kippen‘s feelings are left unanswered for too long, so he writes a letter for cyrus to help himself put it into words. here’s that letter.





	a secret letter to cyrus goodman

 

 

_c,_

 

_it scares me sometimes how much my happiness relies on you. it scares me because i know there will be a time when you can't be near, and i won't know what to do when it comes._

 

_you once told me that if i can see the sun, i am standing within it's radiance. that's how i feel whenever i see you... as though i am standing within your rays, which encompass me and are inescapable._

 

_all i want is to kiss you in the rain and dance close together and to stargaze and discuss our favourite tv shows and to breathe the same air as you._

 

_i want to know if it's worth it, to make an effort to get close and to not only end up hurt._

 

_will my feelings for you be a scandalous secret forever? will i ever get to tell you who i really am, if i don't know who you truly are?_

 

_there are always thousands, maybe even millions, of thoughts swirling about my head when i see you. it takes me a moment to sort through them and what to say, and that's only on an average moment with you. i’m scared to say the wrong thing, to make a fool in front of you._

 

_and i realise it appears i'm fearless. i can make that exterior present with ease to you. i'm not afraid of standing near the edge of the cliff, i don't fear boarding a plane, and i'm definitely not afraid to perhaps die one day. as morbid as it sounds._

 

_recently, i've discovered that the word 'brave' has a different meaning. i've realised those things are not what makes a person brave. i am not brave._

 

_i'm afraid to tell others my incredible secrets, although i shouldn't be. i'd hope i shouldn't be. i may not be afraid of snakes, or heights, or thunder, but i'm afraid of things much more easy. i'm afraid to fall in love. to lose someone. to tell you, you of all people, that i want to give you pieces of my heart that i haven't even fit into the puzzle yet._

 

_i am torn between telling you everything and nothing. that's the trouble with me, right? i can never seem to collect my emotions quite as well as others._

 

_feeling emotions is normal. is that why i can’t grasp my own? my thoughts are irregular and i can’t sort them well on my own. furthermore, i can’t seem to find myself telling anyone else what is swirling around in there._

 

_i've been thinking about black holes a lot. how their gravity is so strong it bends time and space. how you'd be stretched down to atoms passing the event horizon._

 

_i kind of feel like i’m being stretched out to atoms. like i'm falling apart and becoming so metaphorically thin that i'm transparent. but, as nothing that happens past the event horizon affects the universe outside of it, nothing that i'm feeling is affecting anyone outside the world either._

 

_the event horizon is a point of no return. nothing, not even light, can escape it._

 

_i wonder what will happen when i pass the event horizon and fully submerge myself into the black hole._

 

_there are theories that if you enter a black hole under a specific angle, you'll survive and hit the bottom of it. the chances are incredibly small._

 

_i doubt i'll survive._

 

_i hope i do._

 

_it’s up to you really._

 

 

_love,_

_tj kippen._ __


End file.
